Centennial Press – Return Policy

Return Policy If you are in any way dissatisfied with any Centennial Press publication, please follow these easy instructions for the immediate return of your (much-regretted) financial investment. (Any defective books may be returned by following the same.)
1.	Stand on head for 10 minutes repeating (by memory alone) the Cantos of Ezra Pound.
2.	Ingest vast amounts of steamed broccoli, light beer, and/or talc.
3.	Clip off Proof of Purchase and send to Centennial Press, along with SASE, cover letter, and $7 shipping and handling. We do NOT accept Visa, MasterCard, or Jewel-Osco cards, but WILL accept food stamps, drink tokens, and laminated covers of 1950s western pulps (4 covers = $1).
4.	Write an apology – double-spaced, 12-point font, MLA format. Explain why you were not moved by the book. APA format NOT accepted. Three-source minimum, with works cited page, footnotes, and a hand-drawn diagram of the human genome.
5.	Solve the following equation (please show work): 4,382/Pi(X2 – 23) = the theme of Thomas Pynchon’s Slow Learner (Y).
6.	Smoke one pack of Pall Mall’s; bind butts together with yo-yo string using a clove hitch; dispose of bound remnants at your leisure.
7.	Claim ignorance.
8.	Read an issue of Poetry Magazine, then justify the use of didactic pedantry as a format for literizing the concept of tenure.
9.	Discuss at length Nietzsche’s Will To Power as it relates to Oprah’s quest for middleclass America’s essential housewife reading list domination (Jonathan Franzen’s The Corrections precluded).
10.	Complete the following sentence: “Reading James Joyce taught me …”